In response to Candace Kita’s article “Angry Asian Men”, published in November 2010, I am annoyed not by the presence of Asian Female-Non Asian Male (i.e. white guy) couples, but more by the quantitative disparity between Asian Females and Asian Males in inter-racial relationships. I’m an Asian American male who sees this huge disparity every day. I rarely see Asian men dating or married to white women, let alone a very attractive non Asian woman, but I do see a whole lot of Asian women (both hot and fugly) with white guys (both good looking and fugly). This is true among my friends, work people, and acquaintances, as well as couples I see on the street, in the media, on TV, in advertisements, in magazines, in Hollywood movies, etc. It is undeniable! This type of inequality is precisely the reason why I, along with other liked-minded Asian men, started www.singleasianmale.com in order to convey the Asian man’s perspective. It’s not a dating site for ‘Single Asian Men’. It’s a place where we try to dissect, analyze, study, and discuss the social and cultural phenomenons that occur related to being Asian . We do this unvarnished, unedited, and in raw form, with brutal honesty.

So why care if there are more Asian females dating ‘out’ than Asian men? There are a number of reasons really. Let’s explore why Candace was wrong in saying this isn’t a problem.
Before someone pins me down as being “one of them”, I’d like to be clear that some of the comments that Ms. Kita listed in her article as reader comments do not make sense and are ignorant and inane. While I don’t share some of their opinions, I do believe some have some degree of merit. Having said that…
“That sounds more like "White Fever" to me. I don't know if the author is one of these types, but I would HOPE NOT for it would be quite hypocritical if you ask me.” – There are just as many Asian women with “white fever” as there are white men with “yellow fever.” I know many Asian women who have completely shunned out Asian men as possible dating or marriage partners. Why? My belief is that these Asian women hate themselves.

“Yeah, Asian men, as usual, are the LAST RESORT. Guess who is first choice?” – Ever see a decent looking Asian girl (who is slim, has great skin, long black silky hair, dressed nicely, and looks way younger than her actual age) with a fat, greasy, bald, hairy, nerdy, geeky, creepy white guy? That’s when I look at myself and think, “Wow, am I below that fat slob on the carnal totem pole?”

“(Responding to an Asian woman's defense of a Caucasian man): You know, the guy that LOOKS like you? The one that looks like your DAD? EWWWW...” – You have got to be ‘effin kidding me! The only reason why Asian women would think or feel that way is because...once again, they hate themselves. More specifically, they are ashamed and not proud of their Asian physical features, their heritage, their culture, their roots and their ethnic makeup. Asian men, to them, are direct reflections of themselves and because they hate the “Asian” within themselves, they want nothing to do with anything or anyone that’s Asian.
“I think its really pathetic when Asian girls bask in the white man’s glory. you are a parasite. What’s next,Nnicholas Cage? You will never be white by association. Go get a life. you need white men to make yourself feel like somebody. Ttruly shows your insecurity, lack of maturity and lack of strength. What a turn off.” - – It is true...some Asian women (like Wendi Deng) want to be with a white guy because they view it as a way to move up on the socio-economic ladder and achieve higher status. These Asian women can be highly ambitious, immensely driven, and want to be seen as part of the in-crowd. These women see the direct association with a white man elevating their own social standing in the dominant white society in the good ol’ USA. I call it ambition, determination to move up, to feel accepted, and to be part of the powerful, the rich, and the privileged.

“Tattoos of Chinese characters are more in demand than Asian men themselves.” –Asian tats are more in demand than Asian men? WTF! Somehow, somewhere along the way, us Asian men have been downgraded in such a way that we are being compared to body ink in terms of desirability. Maybe we should try to get white women to get tats of Asian men such as William Hung on their bodies.

Ms. Kita, in her article, talks about preserving racial purity[R1] not being a worthwhile goal and I agree that this isn’t the point. I mean just because I walk around with a white Nike hoodie on does not make me the only Asian-KKK member. It’s just me trying to be like the only Asian in “8 Mile”. I agree that all people should date and marry whoever they want. Anyone. Anyhow. Anywhere. It’s not about us Asian men afraid of losing our Asian race! Please...That’s laughable. There are 1 billion plus Chinese people in freakin China alone! We are not losing the Asian population anytime soon.

Ms. Kita then cites that, supposedly similar to Asian men, black women get equally upset, but I feel this isn’t a justifiable comparison. First, the reasons for black women hating on black men who date “out” of their race are slightly different from those of Asian men hating on Asian women who date “out” (or “up”). Unlike black women, who celebrate their physical attributes, such as their physique, dark skin, and (ugh, double up ugh-ugh) their ass (which gets no complaints from anyone – even Asian boys have to shout). I believe many Asian men don’t feel sexy, desired, attractive, and sought after by members of the opposite sex of any race. Also, while I’ve heard black men complain that black women have attitudes, are too loud or vocal, are full of drama, and too opinionated. Many Asian men feel the opposite – as if they are not taken seriously, largely ignored, bullied, and disrespected.

I think this has a lot to do with Asian women turning their backs on Asian men for, let’s say for the sake of argument, a less attractive and less desirable white guy. For me personally, I feel insulted when I see this. And quite simply, it’s a shot to my already fragile Asian male ego. What’s that guy got that I don’t? Blond hair? Blue eyes? Height? 2 more inches? Girth? NO! That guy is a goober and I’m better than him. It’s a shame when Asian guys feel like they don’t have a chance with that Asian girl purely because of the fact that they’re Asian...just like her! Hence, in some situations, the guy’s racial and ethnic makeup represents a deterrent or even deemed to carry negative traits and qualities – it’s a game killer.

Consequently, some Asian men feel jilted, jaded, and abandoned. Some lash out and adopt unsavory habits like smoking, drinking, and gambling. This is why many Asian men like to take refuge within a group of other like-minded Asian guys (which we refer to as SAMs on www.singleasianmale.com). Others might call it Gaysian. Or a SAMwich. I know so many Asian guys who are chronically single, who never get laid, and never get attention from the ladies unless they are delivering Chinese food. In contrast, I see all these Asian women with completely different experiences – they do get laid, go on dates, have numerous boyfriends, and basically have a healthy active social and love life. At the same time, my humble SAM brothers are at home on Saturday nights playing WOW, Halo, or Starcraft. The disparity is just too big for me to handle, which is why I need to see more Asian men dating and marrying hot white women to make up for the difference.

But don’t get me wrong, often but sadly, it’s the Asian men themselves who reinforce those negative stereotypes and end up abiding to them on a practical level. Some of us tend to be too shy, not confident or aggressive enough, and hang out too much with other single Asian guys. All these things deeply hampers and hurts the SAM in the end. The tough dating world coupled with the negative stereotypes that are perpetually reinforced by white people, the media, Hollywood, other Asian girls and guys, and everyday people, that Asian men are subject, some of which were cited in Ms. Kita’s article. While I feel Asian-Americans have come a long way in terms of achieving success on a socio-economic level, Asian men have a long way to go in terms of societal and pop culture acceptance. How can you blame Asian men from being angry or disenfranchised?

ControversialSAM and other SAMs blog their struggles and tribulations and offer deep insight on dating, sex, culture, and the challenges of being a Single Asian Male today at singleasianmale.com. "For more, go to SingleAsianMale.com, @sam_asianman on Twitter, and Facebook." A lot of the content we wrote up is to be funny so not to be taken too seriously :)
The article was written mainly by me but helped out a bit from 2 friends of mine, who also work on our www.singleasianmale.com site. It's not a dating site :)